day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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