...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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