flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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