Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
