This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
