you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she peed on how many people?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
