saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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