he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
