My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
