Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
