When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
