I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
