ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
