he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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