Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
