I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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