Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You are a genius and a whore.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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