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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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