After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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