My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
