I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Someone signed my nipple.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
