Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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