I heard we made out
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
