I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
