So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
