We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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