it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
