I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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