i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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