i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
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