Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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