i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
