her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize