don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
