can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
