i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize