You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
how does that bad decision feel?
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