no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
