I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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