i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
