Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
