Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
