Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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