Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
