I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
