You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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