my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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