Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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