and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
