I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
