Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
