Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Pants are for mortals
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
