i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You can't motorboat a personality
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
