I hope my margaritas pass through security.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
