we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize