well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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