I wannas sexs uuuuu
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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