I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
