I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
