Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
