that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
