how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
