just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
