...so i touched it.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
