I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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