i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
