You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
