I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
