dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
