Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize