Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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