yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Terrible idea I love it
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
