thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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