I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
