I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
