So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just pee around me
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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