what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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